Like Mother, Like Daughter, Copy and Paste
I’ve written a few posts now that showcase the character, strength and beauty that my mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, possesses. We’ve all heard the familiar idiom “like mother like daughter” and that couldn’t be more true of the person that this post is about.
Most of us often wonder what traits we inherit from our parents genetically and what traits are inherently learned from them over the years. Just today when my father sneezed 5 times in secession reaffirming that this trait was something that he passed down to me genetically. I also attribute my ability to put words together to my father as well. Not sure that’s all genetics but certainly I was privileged enough to have received heart-felt letters from him growing up and also witness him give many speeches and eulogies. We contemplate at times how much we are like our parents simply because of genetics and how much is because of traits that we are imbued with growing up. Our parents are our first and foremost important role models in life and much of who we are is a result of the dynamics of their child rearing skills.
If I take the time to study each of my siblings there are many common genetic traits between us, naturally, but there are also many shared traits that come from our parents molding of us. As each of my siblings have grown into themselves those learned traits from our parents become more discernible.
When I reflect on my sister Gigi’s life, there is no denying or doubting who she absolutely reminds me of. She is most definitely her mother’s daughter. She has many of the same admirable qualities that our mother has. I remember when Gigi was having her first child, Jasmine, and how much she reminded me of my mom at that time and even more so every year thereafter. To witness her undying love for each child she bore was a reminder to me how fortunate I was to experience my mother’s love. My niece and nephews will experience that same kind of love my mother shared with us from their mother.
My sister has the same resolute spirit, plethoric energy , devoted nature, motherly compassion, exorbitant strength, loving convictions and a fiercely protective nature that my mom has. These qualities she exhibits as a mother herself are a blessing to us, her siblings. I have no problem speaking on behalf of all my siblings in saying, what we all hold in our hearts to be true, and that is because of our sister, Gigi, our lives have been abundantly enriched.
My sister is a loving wife and phenomenal mom to three very active young bright kids who she tends to with the same energy, love and patience that my mother did with us. Aside from the very active role she plays rearing her children she has been the one who has assumed the role of primary caregiver to our parents as they have become dependent on us for their care in these recent years.
As my mom’s illness progressed over the years my sister has assumed a bigger role within our family to help make life more comfortable for our parents. She assumed the role of scheduling doctor visits, driving them to appointments, administering meds, handling their finances and so much more.
Some days she’d drop the kids at school then rush down to our hometown, pick up our parents and drive them to a doctor’s appointment, sixty plus miles away. Before she could take a breath she was back on the road driving them back home before rushing back to the school to pick up her kids. No breath yet, cause then it was off to one of the many after school activities the kids participate in before she’d finally find the solace that home brings…………one could always hope. Then the phone rings its dad calling because mom is having an episode and he can’t redirect her thoughts………..deep breath. Resilience, that’s another resounding quality that this remarkable woman, my sister, possesses.
Mom’s “episodes” became ever more frequent and dad’s inability to handle her on his own resulted in us making the decision to move them closer to us. Closer didn’t necessarily mean easier or less attention. It was an everyday chore for my sister although not entirely alone but definitely the one with more of the hardship. She has lovingly and graciously cared for our parents with never a complaint.
The rollercoaster ride that a person suffering from Alzheimer’s experiences is unimaginable, but they don’t necessarily ride alone. Those that love them experience a similar ride, as unwilling but necessary passengers. My siblings have all witnessed mom’s past aggression as she progressed in that stage of the illness, but Gigi probably experienced more than she’d care to remember. There are some very heart wrenching moments when a person you love becomes uncontrollable and both verbally and physically abusive. It is terrifying not just for yourself, but for your loved one, who is suffering with Alzheimer’s, because you fear they will hurt themselves or you. Imagine desperately reaching for a switch to turn the aggression off but it doesn’t work and you frantically turn it off and on hoping that by some miracle it will work. There is no switch to rely on, only the grace of God.
How do you explain to your children why grandma is being mean and attacking you? How do you expect your husband to have the same patience or understanding as you? How do you resolve the emotional trauma it creates for you? How do you console your dad when these episodes cause him tremendous anxiety and grief? There are some very unpleasant times that come with this devastating disease called Alzheimer’s and no one should have to experience them. The aggression stage is one of the stages of Alzheimer’s that unfortunately rears its ugly head.
To my loving beautiful sister, I say to you “thank you” for being a carbon copy of our mom! I have such a heart-felt gratitude for all that you have endured these past several years tending to our parents and before that our grandma. You have been an anchor to not only mom and dad, but to all of us. The beauty of your heart will no doubt be rewarded. Your children and your husband are blessed to have a woman of your strength, character and convictions to be their loving mother and spouse.
